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Cinema Three is supposed to be some place for me to vent about how much I hate or like movies. However, no matter how hard I try there's something genuine, a little spark if you will, about true unabashed illogical hate. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, a right wing Wall-E review:

This may well be the fifth or sixth movie this year to depict our government as taken over by a corporation – as though that would be a bad thing.

DOUBLE-U, TEE, EFF! What are they? The far right or corporate facists? Aren't these the people who are all 'small government, big business but total seperation of both'?


I don't even want to think about it, just enjoy.

-VIA


*Yes I know this is categorized under horror.
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Speed Racer

June 22nd 2008 08:19
The best way I find that I can gauge the entertainment value of a movie is to measure the rate at which the popcorn in my bucket is depleted, in that sense Speed Racer delivers and oh boy how it delivers. Its action packed race sequences push action movies to the next level, really the people who worked on Transformers, Pirates of the Caribbean and almost any other 'blockbuster' action movie should be ashamed.

...
The following trailer does not do the movie any justice, in fact, watching this movie outside the cinema is at best one quarter of the experience, not saying that as if it's a bad thing but you don't know what you're missing out on.




I was genuinely shocked when I found out that the Wachowski brothers (of Bound, The Matrix and V for Vendetta fame) directed the movie, so I guess I did them a great disservice by thinking this movie was going to suck. My empty tub of popcorns and bladder full of piss only thirty minutes into the movie should be proof enough the movie rocked.

...during the races.

With the exception of a fight scene and a very brief bullet time sequence the core plot feels more like a means to catch your breath between the races.

I don't really want to talk about the plot, but if I must I must. The plot centers around the main character called ‘Speed Racer’ (actual name), whose estranged older brother ‘died’ in a terrible racing accident. He finds out the racing industry is all a bought and paid for sham. Great, so shit happens, he becomes allies with this ‘mysterious’ racer called ‘Racer X’ who is basically the George Clooney rendition of batman in that movie where Schwarzenegger was the bad guy to oust the villain, a big time CEO executive who affectionaltely recalls how he started building his empire in his foster parents basement on a 'Commodore 64'.

The villain, how to describe him? A typically, comically evil bad guy, don’t expect anything deep or philosophical. There’s no hiding who the bad guy is right from the very start and he has no motive besides the desire to make money, in short, he’s a simple man.

Other characters include Speed Racers dad, his girlfriend, mother, younger brother and his monkey friend and an Australian mechanic. This about wraps up all the characters you can regard as mildly significant to the plotline which is, as I keep saying, insignificant.

The plot and characters are simple, easy to understand and digestible just like edible Lego blocks.

But the races, oh god, the race sequences wreak of awesome. I cannot believe how cool the Wachowski bros. managed to make it while still keeping the same cars and weapons from the anime. One scene involves a racer with a tire shredder going at speed racers wheels, Speed Racer uses a metallic shield and they basically go back and forth, in a sword/shield fight controlling the movements of their respective implements with joysticks.

And I’m not even going into the catapult bee hives and jumpy spring tricks littered throughout the movie.

The races are complex well choreographed action scenes the likes of which have never been seen before. It’s like, the Pod Race sequence in Star Wars Episode One except faster and longer and more awesome. It’s almost as if you’re riding on a rollercoaster, cheesy Sound FX aside it sure feels like it.

It's a shame this movie didn't make bucketloads in the box office, even if it's source material is weaker than a certain other popular cartoon back in the day (*cough* Transformers *cough*) it is overall one of the most entertaining movies by far.
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No Country For A Good Movie

June 19th 2008 09:38
*I don't really remember the names of any of the characters, just that ones name sounds like 'Sugar' and another male character has a very girly sounding name.

*This review is really written for people who have seen the movie

'No Country For Old Men' is... not a good movie, it's one of those flicks that is outright shallow unless you are willing to invest yourself in imagining up the characters motives rather than expecting the characters to display any form of real character consistent with the movies world. You have to imagine up the character and the world they live in, it's like Star Wars without the Death Star.

The story is simple, so simple that you think you might be missing something, perhaps a back story or some sort of relationship some of the characters may have that you are expecting to find out as a 'big reveal'. No such thing happens, it's as simple as 'crazy man is trying to find two million dollars in drug money which was stolen by some git who stumbled over the cash after a failed drug deal saw everyone at the scene dying ... oh also the crazy man is carrying around some sort of air dispenser, we do not know why he clings onto it throughout the movie but that's ok if you're choosing the best picture oscar because it don't matter'.

Now the crazy man is supposed to be an efficient hitman, the idea is that in 'No Country For Old Men' there are a few such efficient hitmen who can find you in three hours wherever in the world you might be yet for some reason they do not know the place at which you work unless the fat old woman in charge of your trailer park tells him. Now some random person who may or may not have originally hired the crazy man to look for the money, an unnecessary character you do not ever learn much about. He then hires a cowboy hitman to find the money who is implied to be just as efficient as the crazy man I have alluded to yet managed probably ten minutes of pointless onscreen time before being dispatched by the crazy man.

Actually the guy who employed the cowboy assassin was also killed by the crazy man, yeah he does kill a lot of people.

Now let's move on to the guy with the two million dollars, he finds the scene of the drug deal by accident, everyone’s shot up except for one survivor whose on the brink of death. He scowers around a little and finds a satchel with two million dollars. He, of course, decides to take it and run. Despite common sense saying 'take your wife and run for the border!' the guy with millions of dollars decides to, wait for it, return to the scene of the crime at night with a bottle full of water. For what purpose I do not understand, I cannot believe he's doing it for the dude who was dying.

Yes, he's found by some people at the scene so he runs. Again, not for the border.

I'm sick and tired of movies like this, it's like an empty canvas we're given to paint on then made to throw admiration and praise at the people who gave us the canvas as if the work of art is their own masterpiece. Perhaps it would have been better had it been longer than the two hours it was. Maybe the short screen time of some of the characters could have been extended.

I have to confess, I REALLY want to like this movie, maybe I set my expectations too high before watching it, maybe I didn't quite understand some key moments in the plot, I dunno, if someone can prove me wrong please do so.



Oh and Tommy Lee Jones is a sheriff, his presence in the movie probably does forty minutes of padding for the plotline. He does nothing for the story instead choosing to run around telling us how dangerous the crazy man is and being all philosophical and deep, philosophical like a kick in the gnads and deep like a puddle.
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Yes, that is absoloutely gross.
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Uwe Boll is a Genius

April 28th 2008 07:19
He may be a terrible film maker but he is still a genius, following on from this wonderful video of his (in all its trolltastic glory) the man made another one.


[ Click here to read more ]
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